she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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