haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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