I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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