I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
