Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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