If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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