Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
my poor anus
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
