some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
