Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My feet surprised me
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