Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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