I think i peed on brittanys purse
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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