i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
