hotel room ftw
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
