i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
