if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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