Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
NoShamevember. You game?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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