I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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