Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
