WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
