im drinking this country out of the recession.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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