You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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