Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
