life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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