I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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