Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
