How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
