the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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