ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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