listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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