You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
