"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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