No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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