So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
