he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
