i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
