Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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