His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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