You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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