My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
