You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
