Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
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