Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
