She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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