You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
