I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
