Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
