Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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