just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
