Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
