you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
