Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Randomize
